I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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