she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
