T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My vagina is officially offended.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
