Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
