dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Randomize
