Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
