She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What a dumb baby whore.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
