If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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