adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
