ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize