It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
