Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
