u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
