I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
