Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
