she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
