plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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