im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize