I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
The ass gains better be worth it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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