would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
