ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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