You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
