I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
