fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
grandma shit on top of the toilet
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
