My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
babies were throwing up all over the place
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize