I cockslap morals
It's Friday. Sex?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
We're hate flirting, damnit.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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