I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
