he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
