Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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