my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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