You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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