Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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