i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
