dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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