my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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