3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
