Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
