What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize