He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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