omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
