Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
