Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
