it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
