No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
