i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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