I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
