Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
