My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
