why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
