Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she pinky promised me she was 18
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
