Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
