The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
