i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
