Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
