Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I could fuck to npr.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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