he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize