even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
