I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
