she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
