I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
