I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Randomize
