theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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