I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
