Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
