It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
