we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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