I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
