The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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