just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Quick, to the slutcave!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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