i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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