evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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