chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
