So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
